Bif Naked
EVENT LISTINGS
CHEAP STUFF
Supra Sample Sale
September 30, 2008
With the great weather we had today and still suffering effects of an extra spicy dosa (Dosa MONDAY!) I was craving a slurpee extra bad.
The same lady was working, I hadn’t seen her in awhile and to be honest I had hoped that she was now working at footlocker or the superstore….sometimes I think I’m going to start a charitable organization to get people in jobs like this into better ones…….but yeah…there she was again and once again she proved to me how bad her job really was….no….there I go again……is.
I’ve learned the way of the walk in this place is to keep you head down….I’ve even gone a step further to the point where I try to keep my mind completely blank….thoughts lead to things like chit chat…banter…. chiming in….and in my case….before you know it….i’m in line rhetorically asking aloud…”What kind of person buys a celphone at 7-11??” See…thoughtless is good.
So when I went to leave and the door wouldn’t open, I snapped out of my blank state and thought to myself…’hmmm…..this is one of those push vs. pull type situations….and you’re pushing….why not try pulling…’
And pull I did….nope. Pull…no….push..no….huh….wait a minute…
It was then that I decided to look around for answers.
At the check out was some drunken monkey dreadlocked dude with his pockets stuffed w. chocolate bars. The check out lady wasn’t having it though and insisted he gave them back.
I was in the middle of giving the clerk my raised eyebrow ‘ah…I know you’re dealing w. crime here but I want to leave look when I realized…..we were being held hostage. THIS was the real reason why they have locks at 7-11.
Her game plan was that no one would leave until the chocolate bars would be given back. She was even on the phone to the police. Locking everyone in does seem like a strange approach, but it seemed to be working. Not being able to leave, the thief became angry to the point where he started throwing the chocolate bars at the clerk. I’m not sure if she had experience with this but it was effective. An uprising was forming too amongst the other customers, ‘Hey man…put it back…’, ‘we all just want to LEAVE!’. I would have given my two cents but once again I found myself in a place I was very familiar with….deep in the cooler.
BOOOM!
One swift front kick to the door and Fists of Fury meets Harder They Come was gone.
As I crept out of the freezer I heard the girl still on the phone with the police. I wondered if they would show up for something like this…..actually….now that I think about it…and it’s been awhile since I stole something (not paying at home depot at the self check out is the cost of doing business..not theft) but I don’t think it’s actually shoplifting until you leave the store. Maybe the intention was not to actually bust the guy, but to promote some sort of lock down induced community shoplifting intervention, which is almost what happened……whoah…maybe something like this could be an alternative to drug court….
