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Love is a Four letter word - Jon Haywood and Dan Gamble

Dan Gamble, PR Pro and Jon Haywood, Planning Director at an Ad Agency live in Gastown with their dog Brixton.

Dan Gamble, PR Pro and Jon Haywood, Planning Director at an Ad Agency live in Gastown with their dog Brixton.  After only a year together, they took a leap of faith and moved together from London, England to Vancouver due to a transfer with Jon’s work.  In no time at all, they have grown to love the city, their dog and of course each other.  We met at one of their favourite haunts, JD’s Barbershop (235 Abbott Street) to talk about all things love including the Eiffel Tower, secret Valentine’s cards and Duran Duran.

How long ago and how did you meet?

Jon: We met in front of a pub called the Dogstar in Brixton.   It was equidistant between where I lived and where Dan lived, so it seemed the right place to meet, it was a bit of a blind date.

Dan:  Three years ago this February.

What drew you to him/her when you first met?

Dan:  We had a lot in common and I liked that it shouldn’t have really worked but it did because there’s a big age gap.   We work in similar industries, and we worked with similar clients so we had stuff to talk about.

Jon:  We also worked on competing lines so there were things we couldn’t talk about.  “What are you doing?”  “I can’t tell you.”

Dan:  I just thought you were quite good looking Jon.

Jon: Thank you.  There was a click.  When I found out what he did for a living, I thought he’s going to understand that sometimes its not quite nine-to-five and there are moments when I can say I’m going to be late, and he gets it. You know you meet some one and leave and in your head, think “I want to meet him again.”  Oh and he’s cute! The eyes are a bit old these days anyway… you know through the cataracts.  I thought you were about 30!

Couples often have shared memories that they talk about again and again, what are some of those special moments or memories that you still talk about?

Jon:  I remember when we first landed in Vancouver. We woke up, we were jetlagged, and it was around 5 in the morning and we said let’s go for a walk.  There were all these amazing views.  We were over at Kitsilano and we looked across and saw the city, and then the mountains on top.

Dan:  I think back to our earliest moments, what Jon called the “wooing stage.” You took me to a cocktail bar, Vertigo.  A really funky cocktail bar in London.

Jon:  I like heights and I like views and I like cocktails so there’s this cocktail bar, 42 storeys up, right in the middle of the city of London so its’ got amazing views…

Dan: And you sent me a Valentine’s Day card. He sent it to my work.

Jon:  I sent him a Valentine’s Card and pretended it wasn’t from me for most of the afternoon.  Then I finally had to admit it was from me because I feared for my life at one point.  (laughs)

Dan:  Also, I remember the first time you met my parents, Jon is a similar age to my mum and dad.  So that was a bit worrying but actually we all got along very well.

Jon:  I remember going through your mom’s CDs and seeing “Duran Duran!”  We’ve had some good holidays.  I took you to Barcelona.

Dan:  You didn’t take me to Barcelona, we went to Barcelona. (laughs.)  We went to Paris and I absolutely shit myself going up the Eiffel Tower.  I didn’t realize I was scared of heights.  You actually left me to take photos.

Jon:  I went up one more level.

Dan:  I got halfway and just couldn’t go any higher.

Jon: It was one of those moments where you just don’t know what to do.  He was telling me to go up one level, and I really wanted to go up one level because it was Paris and the Eiffel Tower and this amazing view.  But I wondered is he going to be alright? I was checking every so often.  Dan was sitting there looking a bit concerned… I was super quick.

Do you still date? 

Jon:  We decided mid last year that we need to continue having dates.  So we’ve been to Sardine Can.

Dan:  I like Hapa Izakaya, but the Yaletown one.

Jon:  We love the Aquarium, though the penguins were a bit disappointing.

Jon:  Oh and cooking - that was another part of my whole wooing thing, I went through all my signature dishes trying to impress him, I had to make some new ones too!

What is the secret to your relationship?

Jon: I remember my Grandad saying he tries to treat every day like it's the first time meeting them.  I don’t claim to get anywhere near that.  It’s very easy to get stuck in a rut and take people for granted. When you meet its not happily ever after, its the beginning of hard work.  You’ve got to remember that what you do influences other people.

Dan:  And I think we sped up the timeline because we’d only been together 12 months when we landed here.  I quit my job in London and moved here.

Is love a four-letter word?

Jon: You can say f*ck and f*ck means lots of things.  It's a good thing it's a bad thing.

Dan:  I would say yes.

Jon:  Love is also work.  Love is a four-letter word, work is a four letter word.

I have a time machine – what is the one thing that you would tell yourself about your partner before you met?

Jon:  I always remember my Gran saying, if it’s meant to happen it is going to happen when it’s meant to, not when you want.  But it would be about believing in my gut instinct preparing for the conversation about moving to Vancouver.  It was a milestone in the relationship. In my head I was thinking, he’s going to turn around and say f*ck off.  But he really surprised me saying that travel was always something that he wanted to do so, it was almost like “why the hell not?” A lot of how this relationship has developed has just been a learning process.

Dan:   I think we have learnt a lot about each other from doing what we’ve done. I don’t have any regrets.  We’re really shit aren’t we?

What is the one thing he does that makes you crazy?

Dan:  Just the one?  (laughs) When he’s stressed he tidies.

Jon:  That should be amazing. You end up with a tidy apartment.

Dan:  But I don’t know he’s stressed and it just drives me mental.  I’m tidy, but I’m not overly neat. He just nags at me if I’m not putting stuff away.

Jon:  Nag is such a harsh word.

Dan:  It’s true though.

Jon: I can’t believe he just said he’s tidy, he is so messy, leaves everything all over the place. Because he works at home, I get home in the evening and there’s dishes everywhere and we’ve got a dishwasher.  Put it in the dishwasher!

Dan:  I don’t think I’m untidy, I just think you’re over clean.

How do you know when he is upset?

Dan: One of the things I like about Jon is that he is quite level headed, more than I am.  The tidy thing is a big give away when things aren’t well.

Jon: There’s different kind of stresses, because when I’m pitching, part of the process is to go through the whole nervousness.  Two weeks before a pitch, I dream about it.  It's a hideous process but it means on the day I’m sharp and I’ve gone through every single worst-case scenario.  I was pitching last week so I was waking up in the middle of the night and I’ve got a pen and piece of paper by the bed and I write it down and then go back to sleep.

Jon:  Apart from the obvious that he’s weeping at his computer…

No, actually he really has no tells, I just kind of sense it.  He just gets up really early when shit’s happening at work.  He’s three hours behind every one, so if he’s up early, I know it's a bad sign.  He gets quiet, paces around.  He doesn’t tidy up though unfortunately.  He needs a hobby, like knitting or something.

What can you usually do to cheer him/her up?

Dan:  Jon needs space when he’s stressed.  And if he gets bickery or short, which doesn’t happen often, you just have to ignore him.  And he loosens up after a while, but you just have to act as though every thing is completely normal.  And maybe make him dinner and cups of tea.  But he takes her (gestures to Brixton, the dog) for a long walk if he’s having a bad time.  We have a very clean flat and a very well walked dog.

Jon:  Cook.  Walk the dog.  Get up early.  If I know things are tough, I’ll come home from work and bring sushi.  I’m very thoughtful, as all your friends have to keep reminding you.

Words by Adina Spivak www.twitter.com/adinaspivak Photos by Ryan West http://ryanwestphoto.com/