Decorating a Christmas tree doesn’t usually burn enough calories to justify the amount of sugar we consume while doing it, but that hasn’t ever stopped us.
“Oh jeez that toy soldier just did NOT wanna go on that branch, time for a rest and recharge” said no one ever, we just eat chocolates and candy canes until the tree is coated with shiny bits, where upon we open the next box of chocolates to give us the energy to sit on the couch and look at the tree.
And naturally, nothing makes that tree look better than drinking wine, especially at the end, where the leftover ornaments in the box become horseshoes as you toss them at the tree to see if they stick. I’ve even seen some attempts at pairing table wines with the candies: lies lies lies.
Your wine can’t be less sweet than your food – it’ll taste like perm solution. Chocolates and candies pair with sweet wines like Port and Icewine – of course you’re free to drink those the whole night if you want to twitch yourself to sleep.
But you know what? Wine has to happen, so if we can’t pair with the snacks, let’s pair some wine with the ornaments themselves:
The Perfect Shiny Ball: A favourite of first-timers and cats. All round, no edges, and bright as a headlight. Sounds like a Chilean Sauvignon Blanc to me, try the Tolten Sauvignon Blanc ($12.99), it’s round and kind of creamy with a great streak of freshness and not grassy like other Chilean value whites can be.
The Pre-School Mystery Fuzz Blob on a String: You’ve forgotten what this felt thing was supposed to be and so has the kid who made it (the teacher put the string on for sure), is that an ear or is it a tree? Oh, it’s the Eiffel Tower? Perfect. Let’s pair the blob with a blend of Grenache and Syrah, try the Reserve de Bonpas Cotes du Rhône ($17.99). It’s also deep and mysterious, smooth and friendly, and from France, just like the tower!
The Travel Memento: Nothing puts the frost on your window into context like a Mayan Pyramid ornament to remind you that you were once somewhere far warmer. Why go half way? Drink like it’s hot out, sip a tasty Rosé while you decorate, like the La Piuma Rosato from Abruzzo, Italy (where it’s also currently nicer, $14.99). Extra points for drinking it in flip flops.
The Garland: It snakes around the tree like a sneaky ribbon of sparkle-fluff, weaving in and out amongst the branches dishonestly, invading every level. I don’t trust it and I don’t like it. No wine for the garland.
The Star: Well obviously this has to be bubbles. Bright, shiny and pointy, just like the Riondo Prosecco ($16.99), a stellar little sparkler from northern Italy that’s made even shinier by the Gold Medal it won at Mundus Vini. (This pairing is void if your tree topper is the Death Star or Homer Simpson’s head or something. We cannot pair with subversion.)
Now that you’ve got your wines picked, break open that ornament box and let’s go!!