Words: Sara Bynoe
At Say Wha?! comedians, actors and local personalities read from the very worst books they can find showcasing the very worst in publishing. Most shows cover terrible genre fiction, ridiculous self-help books, celebrity penned novels and autobiographies. This Thursday April 21 the Vancouver Poetry Festival has included Say Wha?! Readings of THE BEST Deliciously Rotten Writing in their festival and next Tuesday April 26 Say Wha?! will be doing it’s monthly show.
In case you haven’t been to a night yet V.I.A. asked me to pull out a few examples of Say Wha?! material.
1. I have found that there are lots of people who have one ironic or silly book in their houses for the exact purpose that I run Say Wha?! – to make people laugh. The Sensuous Man by “M” was suggested to me by a guy I was dating last year. Unfortunatly things didn’t work out with me and said guy, but I’ll always have terrible pick up lines and 70s sleaze to remind me of him.
From: The Sensuous Man by “M” copyright 1971
“The Pick Up:
Here are a few typical “lines” which has proved successful often enough to be considered priority approaches. Note that not all lines are verbal, but rely more on situations demanding a response from the targeted female.
On a crowed bus:
You step on her foot.
YOU: Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry!
You step on her foot again.
SHE: Ouch! Please!
YOU (blushing): Oh, excuse me, please forgive me. I’m not normally so clumsy. It’s just that it takes a while for me to get my land legs after I’ve been out on the yacht.
SHE (wide-eyed): You have a yacht?
YOU: Why, do you like boating?…
Remember, you don’t actually say you have a yacht. Later, when she tries to pin you down, you can always say your friend Ari owns the yacht- and he’s on a round-the-world voyage. But you offer to take her on a one-week cruise instead.”
Of course it’s completely normal for men with yachts to also take the bus…
2. I heard about The Day I Shot Cupid from D-Listed, a sassy celebrity gossip site. I was never a Party of Five or Ghost Whiperer fan but a few people have said I look somewhat like J-Love, so I thought I had an affinity to her. Dear lord no! Turns out she is one of the craziest women in Hollywood today and I will punch the next person in the face that says I remind them of Miss Crazy Love. Not only is this book written in blog speak, with CAPS LOCKS, lols and excessive exclamation points (one ex: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but this ‘book’ which I paid $25 for can be read cover to cover in 30 minutes.
From: The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic by Jennifer Love Hewitt
“What a Man Should Know:
* How to pick a great bottle of wine.
* At least three ways to save a life.
* To always have a coat for you.
* How to pick a …READ THE REST OF THIS ENTRY>>>