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I Watched This Game: Canucks 1, Predators 0

Guest post by Chris Nash
Will Graham
I Watched This Game
I Watched This Game

Guest post by Chris Nash.

The pre-game was this:

Sure, the Canucks lost in spectacular fashion to Nashville last week.
Sure, their playoff hopes hang in the balance with every close game.
Sure, Henrik Sedin is two points away from 1,000.

The only news anybody seems to care about is Reid Boucher. Born and raised in Lansing, Michigan, he’s everyone’s favourite Lansingite… after Ryan Miller, Magic Johnson, Burt Reynolds, Steven Seagal, John Hughes, Malcom X and Sabu the wrestler. But, with Jayson Megna sidelined with the sniffles, fans were excited to see what Baby Boucher had to offer, aside from his ridiculous Lloyd Christmas-inspired haircut.

Reid Boucher Lloyd

Obviously, I thought of Dumb & Dumber (and wondered if Boucher would chip a tooth) while I watched this game.

  • The Predators brought the pressure early, but were quickly shut down by Boucher & Co. The youngster made his presence known by lining up Anthony Bitetto and rearranging his face like a Mr. Bitettohead doll. It would have been nice to see Boucher do other things (he played under seven minutes total), but even so, it was great to see him live up to his big brother Bobby’s reputation.
  • Okay, ready for a joke? Me neither, but we’ve come this far already.

    Loui Eriksson walks into the doctor’s office.

    LOUI: “Doctor, what’s wrong with me?”
    DOCTOR: “Well Loui, you’re anemic.”
    LOUI: “Anemic? Oh no! What can I do?”
    DOCTOR: “That’s easy, you just need more iron.”

    Loui goes out and hits the crossbar.

    DOCTOR: “Not THAT kind of iron, you scamp!”

    Good joke? Or great joke? Comment below!
  • Five minutes into the game, the Canucks got their first glimmer of hope in the form of a Filip Forsberg interference penalty on Brandon Sutter. I don’t really know what Sutter was up to, but whatever it was, Forsberg shouldn’t have interfered. Bad Forsberg! Vancouver was gracious enough to turn the other cheek and only take one shot on net for the next two minutes. It was the most depressing PP I’ve witnessed since the time I woke up in the middle of the night and urinated all over the floor.
  • Halfway through the first period, Luca Sbisa began his descent into "what the French call, ‘Les Incompétents.’” Bo Horvat skated up the outside and dished a beautiful cross-ice pass right onto his stick, but Sbisa neglected to shoot. Instead, he signed up for Kids’ Free Skate and went on his merry way around the net before losing the puck. It wasn’t a big deal, but it brought attention to Sbisa’s habit of lazy play during this game.
  • Then it was Nashville’s turn for a fruitless power play. Inspired by an Alex Biega love tap, Harry Zolnierczyk hit the ground and drew the tripping call. It was the kind of dive that the wheezy kid takes in gym class so he doesn’t have to participate. For a second, I thought I was watching soccer.
  • The end of the period saw the biggest, most controversial call of the game. Miller misplayed the puck behind his own net and the Nashville offence just started chipping away like mad.

    Last year, I went to Australia and watched a bunch of Tasmanian devils go to town, feasting on a dead wombat carcass. If you’ve never had the pleasure, just watch the highlight video of the Predators going mental on Ryan Miller. Or, if you want a REALLY detailed description, just ask Luca Sbisa - he was just standing there, watching the whole thing. In the end, the puck was slid under Ryan Miller’s desperate blocker by Abbotsford native Derek Grant. GOOOOOAAAAAL, right? Right?? Maybe. Depends if you’re referee Ghislain Hebert’s right hand or his left hand. If you’re his right hand, you’ll wave frantically, over and over, that it was a goal. However, if you’re his left hand, you’ll argue that you meant to bring the whistle up to your mouth to stop the play.

    So, after a leeeeengthy call to Toronto (seriously, like eight minutes), the goal was overturned and the score remained 0-0. But what was the actual ruling on the ice? Did the ref originally rule it a goal, or no goal? If I know Ghislain Hebert (which I don’t), he ain’t tellin’ you nothin’.
  • Period two. Nikita Tryamkin thought to himself (in Russian), “Wait a second… I’m 6’7, I’m 265 lbs. I should probably start hitting all the opponents, all the time.” So that’s what he did. The big man picked up the slack for an under-the-weather Troy Stecher, playing around 21 minutes, and he ended up with about five crucial, momentum-building hits. Here's a live shot of Tryamkin in action:

    Nikita Tryamkin vs Predators
  • Let's look at one of those hits, courtesy of Wyatt Arndt. Gorgeous.
  • The entire second period was littered with Canuck scoring opportunities. The Sedins found each other often with their Wonder Twin powers, but those remaining two points seemed to continually elude Henrik. Meanwhile, the silence surrounding Daniel’s paltry 967 points served as a constant reminder that he is a pile of human garbage.

    Disclaimer: The preceding comment on Daniel Sedin was sarcasm in its purest form. Please allow me to live.
  • The period wound to a close with Ryan Miller doing what Ryan Miller does best: saving shots. It was basically just Li’l Jon and the Predators for the final two minutes, but Miller had no trouble. He was in a trance. In fact, he even got so comfy that he started saving shots with his own face, much to the chagrin of Austin Watson. NOTE: while face-saves work for Ryan Miller, they are not recommended for everyone. Lonnie Cameron, linesman extraordinaire, took Austin Watson’s clearing shot to the ear in the third period and was down for the count. He would return to the game though, trooper that he is. I heard whispers that it was a conspiracy, that Watson was trying to KILL Cameron and the refs were all in on it. Only Ghislain Hebert knows the truth… and he ain’t tellin’ you nothin’.
  • The rest of the third was pretty great hockey. Tryamkin kept rolling over everybody, while Miller looked for his 37th career shutout. However, with 7:32 left in the game, Henrik Sedin owned the building. Loui Eriksson brought the puck up the ice and fed Sbisa between the hashmarks. Sbisa fired wide of the net and Henrik took advantage of a friendly bounce off the back boards. He really just knocked the puck toward the net - more of a centering pass than anything - but it bounced off the pad of a scrambling Pekka Rinne and went in, giving the gingerhead man his 999th point in the National Hockey League.
  • The excitement only continued to grow, with Canucks players involving Henrik every chance they got. Fans were on their feet, screaming, chanting, holding up giant Henrik faces. Or maybe they were Daniel faces. Who can tell? As the final whistle blew, the game ended exactly as we all knew it would: with Henrik and Miller hoisted as heroes, and everyone forgetting that Reid Boucher ever existed.