If you missed tonight's Canucks game, don't worry: you can still catch it. There's a film version playing down at the local multiplex called The Revenant. In the movie version, Leonardo DiCaprio plays the entire Canucks team (he really wants that Oscar). But apart from that narrative invention, the film is true to its source material. Away from home, without any weapons, and severely weakened due to a nasty injury, the Canucks struggle to survive an icy hell. They're hopelessly overmatched, and beaten up from beginning to end. At one point near the end, with no other options, they retreat into a defensive shell (which, in the film version, is the carcass of a dead horse -- fitting, after watching these Canucks try to defend their lead.) The only thing keeping them alive is their survival instinct, played marvelously by Ryan Miller.
That said, while the game is a tight 64 minutes, the movie version is overserious and overlong. I'd say just watch the bear scene, which also serves as a representation of this game -- the Rangers are the bear. And, like the bear, they ravaged the Canucks, tearing them apart, standing on their head, occasionally forgetting what they were doing, then remembering, and murdering the Canucks some more. Sure, Leo gets in a couple licks, but in the end (spoiler alert), the bear wins. I watched this Alejandro González Iñárritu film.
- So long as we're making movie references, Escape From New York comes to mind, since the Canucks nearly did that with two points. They got one, though. You could call it a loser point. I prefer to call it a survivor point, and the Canucks have but one guy to thank for it: Ryan "Snake Plissken" Miller, who faced 49 shots in this game, pushing his total over the last two starts to 97. That ties a two-game career-high in shots against Miller set with the 2012-13 Buffalo Sabres, which should give you some indication as to how good the Canucks are right now.
- That season was enough to get Lindy Ruff fired after 15 years with the Sabres. Should Willie Desjardins be concerned? I'd say so. Not because of how his team is playing, mind you, but because of who he insists on playing. Brandon Prust drew into this game over Jake Virtanen, and as I watched Prust get beaten in footraces all over the ice, including an icing call where he had a good two steps on Marc Staal and barely any ground to cover, I couldn't help but recall the Canucks saying they wanted to get faster this year. I can think of at least one way: a segway for Brandon Prust.
- Speaking of segueways, this game took place in an alternate universe where there is only one Sedin. It was weird. Daniel Sedin did the best he could without his brother, generating two shots on goal, but one couldn't help but wonder how many more shots Daniel could have mustered with his brother setting him up. Instead, he had an overmatched Jared McCann, followed by Adam Cracknell, for some reason. I think maybe Willie was sending a message to Daniel. Either that, or it was for training, like a baseball doughnut. Once Cracknell comes off, Daniel's going to feel light as a feather.
- Speaking of featherweights, I didn't like anything Matt Bartkowski did tonight, with the exception of this thing he said after the game: “We’ve given up an unfathomable amount of shots," Bartkowski told Iain MacIntyre. "It has been ridiculous.” It has been. But I like how Bartkowski seems to think it's out of his hands -- just some unfathomable, ridiculous anomaly, like a pillar of fire descending from heaven, or Sarah Palin endorsing Donald Trump. Bart. Matty. Dude. You're a defenceman. Defend better.
- Back to Prust for a second. Here's Trevor Linden on the decision to play him: “There was some talk about Brandon Prust coming out," Linden explained. "And being at his former team, we thought it’d be the right thing to have him in.” That's hot garbage. Remember early in the year when Jake Virtanen was scratched for the Canucks' home opener, even though it was in his frickin' hometown? We defended that decision, because this isn't the Make-A-Wish foundation, it's a hockey team. So why the Canucks felt indebted to Brandon Prust is beyond me. And so help me if it has anything to do with that stupid reality show. Maybe it was a parting gift? Prust has Chris Higgins' legs right now, and we all know what happened to Chris Higgins.
- Incredibly, there was a time when many thought the Canucks might win this game, deserving or not. They jumped out to a 1-0 lead midway through the first, thanks to Sven Baertschi and Bo Horvat, the latter of whom has completely shaken off the offensive slump of the early season that earned him the nickname Bo Diddley. (No it didn't. But it should have.) Horvat has rediscovered his game of late, most notably that high-speed power-move down the wing that gives defenders fits. He employed it well in this game, taking a puck from Baertschi in stride, then circling the goal before giving it back. Baertschi made no mistake, putting the puck under the bar, where the net is.
- Sadly, the Canucks were unable to hold this lead through the final two periods. It might have something to do with the nine shots they mustered the rest of the way. Nine shots! I'm pretty sure the Rangers hit that many posts, which means New York had as many theoretical shots as the Canucks had real ones. But I don't think we should call all the posts lucky. Luck would be if the Rangers beat Ryan Miller, but the puck hit a pigeon passing behind him and stayed out. I've never understood it when someone will say, "it beat [the goalie], but not the post!" Nah, son. The shooter just missed. The goalie isn't guarding the posts. He's guarding the net.
- Shortly after the Rangers tied things up, the Canucks went ahead again, scoring on their sixth and final shot of the second period. Alex Burrows got the goal, planting in front of Henrik Lundqvist, then tapping in a feed (or errant shot) from Emerson Etem. I liked Burrows' goal celebration, in which he bumbled and stumbled his way to the ice before popping up to celebrate with his teammates. It reminded me of his classic, tumbling overtime goal in the 2011 Stanley Cup Final -- the only time in the game this Canucks team reminded me of that Canucks team, I assure you.
- The Canucks tried to hold the lead in the third. They really did. They were so single-minded about it, they only mustered two shots. The Rangers, meanwhile, peppered Ryan Miller with 16, one of which went in after Miller lost his goal stick and was unable to stop a pass for Mats Zuccarello in the goalmouth. It was disappointing. I personally think the Canucks should trade Ryan Miller. Not because he couldn't seal the deal or anything. And not even because he lost sight of the puck on the overtime winner. He'd earned a pass by then. But, like, who else could possibly have any trade value after that game?
- The Canucks were so bad in this game, they were a danger to others. In the third period, a Luca Sbisa clearing attempt hit linesman Steve Miller right in the ear. He went down in obvious pain. But when he got back up, he came up with the idea for the flux capacitor, which is what makes time travel possible. So it wasn't a total loss.
- Also, it wasn't a total loss because the Canucks got a point. So it was more of a half-loss. But if it's a better silver lining you're after, how about this: the Canucks are on a three-game point streak, and they've gotten points in six of their last seven. If I didn't know better, I'd say the hockey gods were trying to John Scott them right into the playoffs.
