The Vancouver Canucks are the lowest scoring team in the league and it’s not even close.
Even with their three-goal outburst on Saturday night, the Canucks are still averaging just 1.58 goals per game, dead last in the NHL. No other team is averaging less than two goals per game; that’s how utterly atrocious they’ve been at putting the puck in the net.
And so, after four shutouts in the last six games and eight straight losses, I have something to say to the Canucks. Or rather, sing:
Yes, this is a parody of Bastille’s “Good Grief” that I had no choice but to call “Real Good Grief.”
Here are the lyrics:
So, which one of you little maniacs is going to score first?
Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers
Hutton tries to dump it in
Goes in one end out the other, one end out the other
Shooting wide right from the point
And you’re missing every scoring chance, missing every scoring chance
Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers
Dreading every power play
When they’re whistled for a penalty, whistled for a penalty
Centring pass is cleared away
Oh, they’re killing it so easily, killing it so easily
Who’s gonna be the one to score to help you win it?
Who’s gonna be the one to score, oh
Every minute of every hour
I wish you, I wish you, I wish you would score
Every stumble and each misfire
I wish you, I wish you, I wish you would score
Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers
Signing Loui Eriksson
Did you expect another 30 goals, expect another 30 goals
Keeping Swedish bros we love
It’s such a shame they’re in their late thirties, shame they’re in their late thirties
Are they gonna be the ones to score so you can win it?
Are they gonna be the ones to score, oh
Every shift of every power play
I wish you, I wish you, I wish you would score
Every stick break and each misfire
I wish you, I wish you, I wish you would score
Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers
Every minute and every hour
I wish you, I wish you, I wish you would score
