I am 16-years-old. I got my period two years ago, but every time I try to put a tampon in I nearly pass out! I get super weird out and dizzy after I put it in. I’m scared I won’t be able to handle sex if I freak out over a tampon.
–Tampon Trauma
Hey Tampon Trauma,
I was you when I first got my period. I was terrified of using a tampon and when I did, I felt like it wasn’t quite all the way in and I could feel it (it felt horrible) so I would rip it out and revert back to pads. Pads suck. You might as well be wearing a diaper. I really believe you can get over this tampon fear.
First off, buy slim or light tampons with a plastic applicator, not a cardboard one. Plastic applicators (though worse for the environment) are way easier to insert and I think your comfort comes first here. (Just recycle more for the next few months.) If you are still intimidated by having to shove this thing up inside of you, put a little Vaseline on the tip and it will easily slide in. One leg up on the toilet seat is a really easy way to insert the applicator and make sure you push the inner bit all the way up. Do not be afraid of it getting lost inside of you. That just won’t happen. Push it further than you think until you can’t feel it anymore, and there you go. Remember that light tampons have a small absorbency capacity so you have to change the tampon every three to four hours, depending on how heavy things feel.
However, if you are getting dizzy because of something physical and not just a panic attack caused by anxiety, then perhaps you should talk to your doctor. If you do not feel comfortable going to your family doctor, the Willow Women’s Clinic on Broadway is friendly and excellent as well as the Provincial STI Clinic near 12th Avenue.
Now, the whole sex thing. Tampons are nothing like sex. You fuck when you are ready. Our vaginas evolved to procreate and you would be amazed at the natural elasticity you possess. Things get easier, better, and more enjoyable with practice. Yeah, it might hurt a bit the first time you have sex, but that’s totally normal. I didn’t bleed my first time so I don’t know what all this cherry poppin’ blood bath shit every other stupid After School Special goes on about. Remember to use a condom and lube, and moreover, relax. It’s going to be awkward, gross, weird and great. It only gets better from that moment on.
You can do the tampon thing. I promise you. I also recommend getting a hand mirror, throwing your leg up on the counter and looking at your vagina. Every woman should know what she is working with.
Being a teen sucks, I know. It will be over soon.
Love, Mish
My girlfriend keeps telling me to read this feminist book she is into and I don’t see why I should. What’s so great about feminism anyway?
– Fuck Feminism
Dear Fuck Feminism,
I get it, man. Feminism has been carrying around this big, ugly weight for years that stinks like an unwashed vagina and puts off most men in its path. But guess what? That’s simply not true and you can thank the idiotic, follow-along faux-feminists who shout things like, “Men suck, women rule!”, instead of actually reading books. Ignore these people. They are the same as misogynists, just wearing shitty lipstick.
Feminism is really important for everyone, including men. Learning about feminism won’t automatically make you become a full-on beta male eunuch. Attempting to understand the political standpoints of people other than your own gender, race and sexual orientation is always a good thing. Reading is important. No one reads anymore and it is gross. Have you every seen that movie ">Idiocracy? Sometimes I worry….
So, read that book your girlfriend cares so much about. You will learn something and it will make you a better person. (Unless it’s SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanos, in which case, you have to look at this as a performance art piece written by a very angry, mentally ill genius, OK? It’s a great piece of uninhibited writing, but not a fair rep of the current feminist cause.)
Pull your head out of your scrotum and read it!
Love, Mish
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