Jailene Romero Montoya was past her due date. At 41 weeks pregnant, Montoya’s amniotic fluid was getting low and doctors decided to induce labour. However, when the now 32-year-old Maple Ridge resident returned to the hospital the next morning, her baby girl’s heartbeat was absent.
“At the time, my husband and I were in utter disbelief,” she recalled of the tragic moment when they found out that they’d lost little Valencia in September of last year.
“One of the hardest things that we dealt with was my husband having to tell our family that our daughter had passed,” she said. “It was such a different day than we’d expected.”
According to Statistic Canada, approximately 3,000 Canadian women experienced a stillbirth in 2013, and around one in five pregnancies end in a miscarriage in North America.
The prevalence of pregnancy loss and the devastating effect it can have on women, men and families were some of the reasons why Vancouver resident Kimberlee Klein launched a YouTube series called The Unforgotten Ones.
“I was seeing a lot of people suffering and dealing with mental health issues and depression from pregnancy loss,” said Klein. “There are an overwhelming number of stories out there not being told.”
Klein invites women and men who have experienced pregnancy loss into her home where they share their stories on camera in short, talk show-style segments. (The episode with Montoya and her husband, Dave, is scheduled for sometime in April.) Klein also interviews experts and shares information about tools that can help people who have experienced pregnancy loss along their journey towards healing.
One of the experts who appeared in the March 29 episode is Henriette Csapo, a resident of North Burnaby and founder of the West Coast Family Constellation Institute. A counsellor who specializes in transgenerational issues and family trauma, Csapo said she routinely encounters stories about pregnancy loss when working with her clients.
“There’s not a lot of emotional support for women who are going through these experiences,” she said. “Most often the biggest problem I see [with clients] is they don’t recognize themselves as a mother, or they were not allowed to grieve.”
Not coming to terms with the trauma associated with pregnancy loss, which includes abortions, can lead to feelings of despair, Csapo added. People can retreat into themselves and avoid others.
Klein’s videos are an attempt to create a community where people can learn about pregnancy loss, share their personal stories and gain insights into healing techniques. Because the videos are free and accessible online, they are also easy to share with friends and family members.
“It means a lot that there are people who didn’t know me personally who are willing to listen about my daughter,” said Montoya. “It really validates her life.”
Montoya and her husband now co-run a support group in Maple Ridge called In Our Hearts to help and connect with others who have lost a child, and they plan on trying to start a family again soon.
“We never want to forget her and we never want to stop talking about her, and Kimberlee [and her show] is one outlet to do that… It gives us the chance to immortalize [Valencia’s] life, help us move forward, share things that worked for us and hopefully inspire other people to try to not just see the darkness, but the silver lining your child would want you to see.”
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