The old saying of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” is being challenged by new statistics released by researchers at The University of Virginia. Most people believe that starting a relationship with a hookup is the best way to doom a long-term relationship. Having sex before a commitment from your partner has been thought to lead to all kinds of boundary issues and partners often struggle by putting getting to know each other on the back burner in favor of sex. It is precisely the bond of emotional connection that people believe leads to a long-term committed relationship.
Researchers Galena Rhoades and Scott Stanley from University of Virginia conducted a comprehensive study to look at factors that predict happy relationships. Rhoades and Stanley recruited 1,000 couples where 418 of the 1,000 participants were married during the study at some point. They found out that approximately one third of marriages begin with a hookup. However, those who began their relationship with a hookup also experience lower marital quality in their relationship. Living with other people previous to participants’ current spouse also led to lower marital quality.
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The number of breaks up you’ve had also matters according to the study. If you were a chronic heartbreaker before marriage, chances are you might be tempted by alternatives that are available. Breaking up might also be much easier if you’ve had lots of experience with it.
How long you wait before sex was also a significant factor. The study revealed that those who waited longer before having sex experienced higher marital quality. Researchers postulated that those who are quick to have sex might struggle in relationships due to impulsivity or issues surrounding insecurity. This sort of impulsivity to leap into sex might also lead partners to delayed assessment of compatibility when a relationship is built upon sexual attraction.
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Couples’ decision to have a formal wedding also has an impact in relationship satisfaction. Couples who decide to have a formal wedding reported higher relationship satisfaction and researchers think it might be linked to happy couples willingness to celebrate their union.
The underlying theme in the study appears to show that couples who consciously make decisions to commit to an option are happier and are also more likely to follow through on their decisions. Conscious coupling may actually be a real thing and could lead to happier relationships.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
