Ryan Beil: My ironclad, written in stone, unbreakable baseball resolutions of the 2023 season

I’ve always wondered why New Year’s has such a stranglehold on resolutions. Making plans of action to improve your life in the dead of winter has always seemed a little contradictory to me. 

A better time, in my view, is the beginning of spring - when the crocuses are croscus-ing, the sun is beginning to become a little less shy and the joggers, runners, bikers, and slackliners are gently emerging from their respective hibernations.

So, for my first article of the baseball season, I want to share with you three simple resolutions that I promise to uphold and will enhance my baseball fandom experience.

1. Have more empathy for the umpires

If you’ve ever sat beside me at a baseball game, you know I have a strong predilection to let the umps “have it.” When they get a call wrong. When they get a call right. When they clean off home plate with their little hand brooms. I’m giving them the business.

Maybe I like speaking truth to power. Or, perhaps I still have a chip on my shoulder from a few botched little league calls. Whatever the case, this season I resolve to do my best to empathize with the umpires. 

I will give them the benefit of the doubt. I will learn their names and stories. And by season’s end, I promise to have chosen a favourite umpire and cheer for them for one game. Or maybe one inning. At least half an inning. Baby steps. 

2. Catch a foul ball

This one might prove difficult as I mainly sit behind the protective netting. Which is, generally speaking, designed to keep foul balls from getting through. 

However, with my trusty Media Credentials, I can and will become a ball hawk and patrol all of the hot zones in the stadium. 

And if that doesn’t work, I’ll bring a chair out to the parking lot.

Also, I know what you’re gonna ask: when I inevitably catch this foul ball (due to my innate athleticism and defensive baseball prowess) will I give it to a kid? The short answer is, yes. The longer answer is, yes, but only after I sign it and they agree to give it back after a suitable period of time. 

3. Work the scoreboard

A human-operated scoreboard is such a beautiful piece of baseball history. And the fact that we have one at the Nat is truly special. In my mind, analog always beats digital, and I hope the outfield scoreboard is never “updated.”

Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles (boo), Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati (big boo), Wrigley Field in Chicago (go Cubbies), and Fenway Park in Boston (boo) are the only four Major League stadiums that still have manual scoreboards. So they’re hard to find these days.

I want to hang some numbers. Runs, Hits, Errors. I want to experience the sacred duty of keeping everyone in the ballpark on the same page. The scoreboard keepers are truly the heralds of our cherished baseball kingdom. And I want in.

I haven’t fully figured out how I will accomplish this, but my plan thus far is to walk over during a game and ask if I can help. Intricate, I know, but hopefully it works. 

There you have it! I will follow up at the end of the season and let you know how it all went. And let me know if you have any baseball resolutions of your own. You can find me at the Nat. See you there!