Halifax has its donair. B.C. has its Nanaimo Bar. And while we all know poutine hails from Quebec, we embrace the dish nationwide.
But when the official Twitter account for the country - the aptly named @canada account - endorses something out of Toronto called Unicorn Poutine, well, that's just gross, eh?!
https://twitter.com/Canada/status/1191078189805834241
Poutine on its own isn't necessarily "magical," but it is one of Canada's contemporary culinary calling cards. How many of you welcome visitors from abroad to Vancouver and they immediately request you get them some poutine? Even when you explain that poutine isn't really Vancouver's strong suit (now, sushi, on the other hand, well...we rule) it's still what is expected of Canadian food.
The poutine in question that's marring our global reputation comes from the Enchanted Poutinerie in Toronto, and it's covered in a cornucopia of coloured cheese that one Twitter user likened to a bunch of melted crayons.
Here's how its brave (foolish?) creator describes the dish on Instagram:
"When people think of unicorns they think of a special, mythical creatures that symbolize magic, miracles and enchantment. Our Unicorn Poutine is the perfect way to add all of that goodness into your life! Our fresh Rainbow Quebec Curds and Multi-Colour Gravy (on top of our delicious fresh fries) will send your tastebuds into a magical place, making you believe that miracles can happen. As for enchantment, @enchanted.poutinerie is the only place you can find a poutine that will leave you in a place of wonder after you’re done. Bring a friend and share in the majesty of 'The Unicorn' and one of our other delicious concoctions. We’ll be waiting!"
https://www.instagram.com/p/B3OX1ydhkIn/
Sure, we may go Instagram bananas over grilled cheese sandwiches that offer us a rainbow cheese pull at the Richmond Night Market or pickle cotton candy at the PNE, but this is some next level stuff that is all kinds of wrong.
And Twitter agrees, using this Unicorn Poutine as an argument for Quebec separatism, among other no-holds-barred nope, never, stop it objections.
Go home, Toronto, you’re drunk.
— Autumn Afar (@AutumnAfar) November 4, 2019
This is an abomination - Montreal
— Hugo Sham (@HugoSham) November 3, 2019
y’all deserve to lose your verification badge after this one #notmycanada
— salvatore (@FailuresSince67) November 4, 2019
Appropriation Culturelle du Québec et des bronies #cestpasdelapoutine #thisisnotpoutine #ark
— Renaud Emond (@renaud_emond) November 4, 2019
Poutine is supposed to get you out of an hangover, not provide one.
— Steve Gravel (@Spounz) November 4, 2019
This justifies the destruction of the Confederation. Wexit, Québec secession, Maritimes seccesion, this is where it all starts.
— David Beck-Mac Neil (@beckbat) November 5, 2019
The Enchanted Poutinerie even goes the extra kilometre, with their shop boasting a couch and chairs (and a giant teddy bear) that seems to match their colourful "unicorn" cheese and gravy. Plus they've got a menu of 20 poutines, including vegan and dessert options.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Nl85TBs5f/
Since we're out here on the left coast, far from the insanity of The Enchanted Poutinerie, trying the Unicorn Poutine is a non-issue. We'll have to make do with the poutine we've got. Where to? Some of the enduring favourite spots are:
- Fritz European Fry House
- Frenchies Diner
- La Belle Patate Vancouver
- Belgian Fries
- Frites Vancouver
- The Flying Pig
- Anny's Dairy Bar
- Edible Canada
